I’ve always been kind of a people studier. I’ve spent a lot of time observing people’s demeanors and attitudes over the years. I think that comes from my stepdad, Gene O’Brien, who was a pretty hard, old-school guy. Sometimes he’d be in a good mood, and sometimes you needed to watch your step. That transferred to people in general, and competition. Some people are just naturally confident. Others are insecure by nature. 

Early on and even today, I think I tend a little bit more on the introverted side with feelings of insecurity. But I realized at a young age that those are just thoughts and feelings, and they don’t necessarily need to be who I think I am. 

I don’t have to give in to those types of thoughts, because that’s all they are. Our thoughts are just trying to come into our minds to try and control us, but they aren’t who we are. I look at it as a battle in the spirit realm, where there are forces trying to pull you in a negative direction. But the thoughts that come in from God tell you that you are good enough, and it is possible.

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To a certain degree, this process is part of the maturity ladder that we have to climb, where we can manage and control our thoughts which are attached to our feelings. Because what we do with those can make or break us. 

There were some things that happened when I was a kid that shaped how I thought. One defining moment was when I saw the movie “Rocky.” To me, the message was here’s a guy who may not be the most talented. But he definitely had the most heart, which meant he tried 110%. Whether he was going to fail or make it wasn’t going to be for a lack of heart and try.

That was an impossible principle that I identified with early. I thought of myself as Rocky when I was trying to climb the ladder and compete. If I try as hard as I can and don’t give up, I have a chance. That was crucial for me. Even though I had thoughts of insecurity and doubt, I had a way to battle those thoughts; a tool to overcome that attack and say “yes I can” in the inner battle.

I’ve seen people put on an air of cockiness. But when that’s not backed up with work ethic and try, it’s just a front. I never did well with cockiness. When I tried it, I got it handed to me and I got knocked down. I related it to being cocky. I want to be like Rocky—the guy who has to work for it and give my guts for what I get. It’s not going to be from cockiness, it’s going to happen for me from hard work and try. And there’s no room for being overconfident or cocky.

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Confidence is a key element to success. But it’s not the same as cocky. To be confident, I had to know that I’d done 100% of the work. I still struggle with that today. I go compete at a low level nowadays, mostly locally. But the same principles apply. If I don’t go get on my horses, do the work and practice, I don’t feel like I deserve to win or have the confidence to win. 

It’s almost like it jerks the wind out of my sails when I don’t hold up my end. Just knowing I went and did the work boosts my confidence. I may fail, but it wasn’t because I didn’t do the work. Knowing I worked just as hard or harder than the guy I’m competing against, and knowing I’m at least equally prepared is the wind in my sails. I show up deserving to win.

Not everybody’s going to win, and we’re all going to fail a lot. But when we fail, we need to get right back out there and back to work. Tomorrow’s another day, and we need to prepare for the next battle. 

We’re not all going to look at things the same way. But we all need to ask ourselves what mindset does and does not work for us. I was blessed by principles that worked for me early in my life and career, and they still work for me to this day. Simple, but effective.

—TRJ—